This girl is more easily done than said...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
