So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
