It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
