Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
