I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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