So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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