Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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