I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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