Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
