So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
