This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
