Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
