Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
