i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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