i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
