Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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