His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
