well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
