I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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