I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
