So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
