Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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