i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
