you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
