she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
