tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
