FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize