I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
