I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
