Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
