yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
