I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
