Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
