So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
