ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
