i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
