just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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