Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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