And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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