I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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