I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
only you would photoshop your dick
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
