And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
