I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
