Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
