her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize