Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
