I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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