garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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