just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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