my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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