saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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