Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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