Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
