people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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