Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
