let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
