Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
