How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i love accidental penises.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
