I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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