Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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