return my video game
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
