sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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