he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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