What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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