Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
