Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
