it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
