Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
