I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
