ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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