dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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