I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
