it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
