I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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