I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
