I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
