We're facebook friends in real life
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize