Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
